Hello, everyone. This feels a little strange writing on my blog again. I have been away from my blog for about 3 months and here I am again writing a blog post for the first time since September. I wanted to write this because I feel like I have an explanation to make, mostly for myself.
When I started my blog over a year ago, I was so excited. For anyone who really knows who I am, they would know that I am that person that has two personalities. I have always had this side to me that desired great things for myself, but my other side was always too shy and intimidated to let that part of me shine. I have this part of me that loves the internet, I love expressing myself on here because my other side does not like to express herself to people in real-life. I have been this way for so long, probably since I was 13. I started this blog to finally start expressing this loud, outspoken and creative side of me. But I still didn't want anyone to know about it. This blog was my safe haven. It was my escape from the real world to be and do everything that I love (hence my blog name) Recently, my blog has no longer become my safe haven. With every word and post I make on here, someone that knows me in person will see this. Honestly, that scared me. Most of all it genuinely upset me. I felt like I have taken 5 steps back. It got to the point where I could no longer bring myself to even type "blogger" in my search engine. I literally have not been on my blog at all for nearly 3 months.
Well, I have sat myself down and thought... "what's the solution here Lena?" I could start a whole new blog and start all over again but then what? I do not want to start a new blog. I didn't want to because this blog feels like home. I realized the solution here was to fix my flaw. Which is to start accepting this side of me and start to embrace it and show it to everyone who knows me. That is what I have been afraid of all along, That is why I wanted to keep my blog to myself. Perhaps I am a little crazy for feeling this way but maybe someone out there can relate. So you know what? I'm going to write on here again, make posts about anything I want and I will not care about who reads it. This blog will always be my safe place but now, I'm just going to start letting people become a part of it too.
**For anyone who is still here to read this, thank you for making me love this and for being a part of the reason why I can't leave this blog. The support I have received on my previous posts from you amazing ladies is what makes me love this so much.
Hey Lena,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I loved the little part in the beginning about blowing the dust off, cracked me up! Secondly, I know how you feel and I feel kinda bad because I am a close friend that reads your blog and I would hate if I or other people were the reason this isnt your safe haven anymore. I know exactly how you feel that way because I used to be nervous about sharing my blog with people I know or posting it on fb. But when I started too like I recently posted about my marriage, I was so much happier because I felt like people could read about things I am passionate about or about advice that could benefit them. I've had such positive feedback and you would too! You have loyal readers and lovely people you have met on here and they are all so supportive and I know we would appreciate you blogging and being yourself!
I love you girl, and just remember to do what makes you happy and do you! <3
Jenan
I think these feelings and emotions are all just apart of me figuring out what I love and who I want to become. This isn't my secret little online getaway anymore and I just have to adjust to that, that's all :) and thank you for the positive vibes you send on my blog
Deletexoxo
You don't know how excited I was when I saw that you posted again :) I definitely support you sis' ! (here my virtual hug :) )
ReplyDeleteI completely understand how you feel. I created my own blog to express myself and my feelings, because in real life I didn't have enough courage to do so, and I didn't tell anyone about my blog because I wanted to escape from reality... anyways I hope to read from you soon
Love you, and take care.
and you don't know the smile that you have brought to my face with this comment!! You have completely warmed my heart, I'm so glad someone out there understands, I think our blogs are everyone's cyber getaway and alhamdiallah it really is starting to feel good being back and I can't to start visiting each others online escapes regularly again :) <3
Deletexoxo
Salam Leena, I can relate so much with what you said, I've been on the blogosphere for so long but only since the last 3 years my blog became something important for me, and I still was 'afraid' to let people who knew me in real life know about my blog. In fact, I get shy if any of them mentions it. Even if I know most of them know about it, I still don't want them to know. The problems of shy personalities. I don't think you took 5 steps back but instead steps ahead, even of not being here for three months, even if you didn't want them to know about it, even when you didn't feel like yourself, you stood up, you let the real you control the situation and took the choice you love, which is keep blogging, I'm so happy for that because I'm sure it wouldn't feel good if you stopped blogging.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy to have you still here, I so excited to keep reading your blog and see how you grow. We bloggers are here to support each other!
xx, herplaceattheuniverse.blogspot.com
Laila, your words mean so much to me! I really felt crazy for thinking this way, I didn't think anyone thought about this subject as much as I did. I guess it is like you said it is just something that comes along with being shy! I never perceived this situation as me standing up for myself and taking control but that feels really good to hear! You are right I would not have felt good at all if I abandoned blogging.
DeleteThank you so so much for your support I hope I can always be there to support your blog as well! I have missed your blog I can't wait to catch up on what I have missed
xoxo
Lena
Asalaam alaikum,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to tell you that you're not alone, I can totally relate to the way you feel/felt about sharing your passions etc. I converted to Islam almost a year ago and still hardly people know about it. I'm too afraid to share my passions. I really hope to start a blog again and indeed, let mind be more important then matter insha'Allah. I'm so happy for you that you've decided to not care about it. Good luck on your blog, which I btw love so much!
xo
W'3lykom el Salam,
DeleteThank you so much for your lovely comment, it does help to know that I am not alone in having these feelings. Mashallah, I am so happy to hear about your conversion into Islam. I really do hope you consider to start your blog again, I would love to read it and learn more about you,
Thanks again sis <3
xoxo
Lena
Salaam Lena,
ReplyDeleteReading this post, I almost felt like I wrote it myself. I started my blog over a year ago, but nobody in 'real life' knew about it. It wasn't until this year that I decided to share it with some people. Just like you, I've always felt more comfortable opening up anonymously. I'm generally a very private person, but I think it comes with the notion that when you open up, people will get to know the REAL you... and when they do, what will they think? When you blog anonymously, people will know your thoughts, but never who you really are.
At the moment, I'm toying with the idea of blogging about more personal things and that will be the true test, lol. A part of me will always want to be a private person and retreat to my shyness shell. My only advice (to both you and me, lol) is to only share what you are completely comfortable with, and not feel pressured to talk about everything, just for the sake of blogging. As long as you're comfortable with what you're opening up about, it shouldn't really matter who's reading the blog (i.e. whether or not they know you in real life). At the end of the day, you only want people in your life who like and respect you despite everything they know about you (the good and the bad) anyway. So yeah, throw caution to the wind and I look forward to reading your future posts! x
Rukaiya | Muslim in the Big City
Salam Rukaiya,
Deleteyou always leave such kind and thoughtful comments on my posts and I am always so happy to read your comments. I have to agree with every point you said. I have come across several fun blog posts that require the blogger to share some personal information and as much as I would love to do them and post them on my blog I haven't been able to because I realized I am not comfortable opening up that much about myself especially since i am no longer anonymous on here. I think it is good to hold on to who we really are and there is nothing wrong with us being shy, but as you said as long as we are comfortable then that is what matters. "At the end of the day, you only want people in your life who like and respect you despite everything they know about you (the good and the bad)" - I love this statement and we easily forget this but it is how we should all live, free to express who we are to everyone.
Thank you again, much love
xox
Lena